In the beginning there is lust, desire. If we do not take up the topic, i.e. we do not escalate, this natural stream of thoughts will pass and disappear. If, on the other hand, we start to escalate this experience to have an enhanced stimuli, then we start to assess the situation and the object of our desire – the other person. Whether she is pretty or ugly, whether I like her appearance or not (same is he handsome?, etc…)… Of course, since there is a desire, I like the person, that is, a positive assessment. Only can the assessment be positive?
If I like someone and I rate them positively, it means that there are those I don’t like and I judge them negatively. In my opinion, there is no good or positive assessment. Assessment will always have a periorative element. Basically, any assessment will have a negative impact on ourselves, because we later evaluate ourselves in terms of what others are. After all, we are not hypocrites inside ourselves 😉
We begin to evaluate ourselves because we evaluate others as objects of our lust. The fear of disapproval appears. Since I do not accept, others also have the right not to accept me. Fear, in turn, is the basis of all bad emotions and we begin to have a problem …
There is a withdrawal at first, such a typical fail down of mood, or even possibly depression. If we survive this and bite through it, anger and aggression appear, because others are bad. Because they got me into this negative state. Why are others bad? Because when we choke our fear and anger at the same time, we surround ourselves with the same people enchanted in the action-reaction circle. I will hurt you, then you will hurt me etc … the circle is closed. Then we see short-sightedly that someone hurt me, not that I wanted to use the other person in the beginning. Because I escalated my desire 🙁
The question is why, at the moment of assessing, escalating the desire, we do not reflect that we may have a problem later. We get angry often. We are looking for support for our theses from others. Then we are blind to the words of truth. We believe that others are wrong, that they criticize us, because they hurt us (sic!). We stop listening. Why?? Because lust drives us, this incarnate devil 😉
Evolution has created us in such a way that when desire arises, fear arises, or fear causes desire. Both sensations are based on one neurotransmitter – dopamine. As the amount of dopamine increases in the brain, desire and anxiety increase at the same time. The same is true of the effects of these emotions, i.e. reward and pain, also transmitted by the well-known dopamine. Conclusion: it’s better to have dopamine at a controlled level 😉
So I understand everything now. We don’t escalate our lust, because we can control it. On the other hand, we can no longer control fear, it appears at the moment of increasing desire. Only if I can control my craving, what about the sterile life that arises? No deep emotions. I don’t think there is a good solution here. Each of us, as we know the mechanism, decides on our own and manages our emotions as part of our own needs. I think it’s important to be aware of something you are feeling right now and why is it popping up in my head and not something else. You can avoid some big catastrophe thanks to this.
wonabru